okay time for some talk.

i just wanted to start of by saying its actually fun to see that people are visting and enjoying my goblog loool

and to the real talk, i've been feeling very down, stressed and lonely lately, even tho i for fact know i am not, i feel like somethiing is eating me up inside out and i really dont know what, i feel like theres a huge rock, stone whatever across my chest but i dont know why. i feel like everyone around me is fake, i feel like i put down so much time on people around me but get zero time back.

i do not feel loved, i also do not know if its because im afraid to be loved due to some personal reasons. everyone is always asking ''dont u talk or go to some professional to talk too? yeah i did but they sucked and when i got one good he quit 2 weeks later so i went back to the old bad pschyologist/pschyiatrist (correct me if the words are wrong) and he pretty much told me that ''EVERYONE can feel sad sometimes its like a rollercoaster, but i can set u up on some sleeping meds with anti depressions'' i even asked him is i could get a bipolar investigation due to it being genetic and my mom has it. he turned me down and called me a hypocrit. and that it was just a sadand depressing moment in my life and it would go over. and my mom has also seen some symtoms of bipolar but the pschycologist wont listen. im not gon sit here to self diagnose tho because thats not right either. i just feel like nobody is listening, there's alot of feelings and emotions that i dont know how to cope with.

ew feels like im opening up loool hate it, what if people do not understand? what if they will judge? what if they read this and think ''he dumb lol get help''
but this is still my rant wall lol ahhahaha im so stupid wth.

either way, on another note im also very lost in what i want with my life atm, i do not wanna be single but im so afraid of commitment, i've been hurt so many times before and i dont have the time to be sad over people? i do not feel like im emotionally there to make commitment or love someone because i've truly forgot how to love? after i lost one of my best friends 1,5 year ago everything just fell apart and i truly loved that person and now there's just an empty place in my heart where he used to be i feel like i need to forgive myself first but i cant because i dont know how. its so hard for people to understand if they dont have any context sadly.

ahhhhh i cannot even put it in sentences because it feels like every comes out so wrong and people will prolly not understand and then tere'll be missunderstandings reading this i cannot lol a new post will come asap when i feel more stable and can express myself a bit better

Hello, New post? new rant!

i've had better days now, if u compared to how it was some days ago.
my week started good except that the delivery service almost stole my package :)) hatee hate haaate postnord.

about the last post about my mean teacher that i had anxiety about, i just recently spoke to my principal, and he'll speak to our vice principal and then move on from there and speak with my teacher, i told him how much anxiety i got from her and that i feel like im walking around and holding on to a big rock.

i hope it'll come out right so that it wont come out bad and she will dislike me even more.

i'll update you all

Okay where should i start?

First of all, hello and welcome to my dear goBlog im Billy also known as Anax here on gsm, this will probably be my ranting wall instead of using the Friend message board lol.

Ok so at this very. moment i've been awake for 24+ hours, due to me being stressed out and having anxiety, i do believe the reson to this is because one of my teachers is very disrespectful and saying mean stuff and do not think aboput what she saying before saying it out loud. I am a dude who is in need of extra help and our class do have an extra resource (lets call him Lars) and im almost always on his study help hours because we have a final exam assignment that we are working on atm, and my teacher is my supervisor, but a very bad one and very unpedagogical and unprofessional. So like i said i usually always go to lar-s study hour to get some help because i do not understand what my teacher is telling me on her classes and i've told her this and she do not care at all.

I do really feel like Lar-s study hours help me alot, due to me having syslexia and also learning difficulties, and when i told my teacher this she basically said straight to my face ''Why are you going to his study hours? you can write and speak swedish very well cant you?''
and i told her in a respectufl way '' Yes, but thats not why i go to lar-s study hours its because i need the extra help and he clearly can give me that''
My teacher did not even listen, then my teacher started to try and manipulate and guilt trip me and said ''Or u just doo not like to be in my class, and like him better idk''
instead of saying ''Its great that you go to lar-s study hours and good that u manage to keep up'' or something like that its always something negative that comes out of her mouth, i've literally only once heard that i was doing a great job from her mouth, and i've been going to this school for almost 1,5 years now...

and i again tried to tell my teacher ''its neither reasons i just need extra help and i take the help i can get because i do not feel like i get that hel-'' she cut me off and was like ''ok great lets move on'' and that made me so anxious and fustrated that a teacher can act and behave like this without consequenses, and i've spoken with the principal about this issue for so many times, and they cant really do anything due to laws and not having any proof, because it just turns out to be ''words against words'' even though several more students have the same issue with her.

Lars have said to me to try and ignore her and its making him sad to se me this upset and unmotivated to get done with the studies due to her being a total witch, and that he will try to help me with all his power to get done with exa-m assignment so i can get my diploma and be done with my studies to become an assistant nurse, because he do really believe in me, and he told me that the healthcare do really need so many more positive people like me in it.

so im trying my hardest, but its making me sleepless due to having anxiety and a lump in my stomach everytime we have her classes, im always on the edge to start crying because she's pure evil.

atm im just laying in bed and have nooo clue on what to do because all i wanna do is get her fired :) because nobody should have to have her as a teacher, thats not a fair game at all.

i will probably start posting on my goblog as a rant wall so if u find this interesting keep checking in every now and then for a new post! hope u enjoyed reading

Best Regards, Billy Aka Anax