my heart is POUNDING i suggested him to do some disney watchparties if he feels alone but not enough energy to do stuff together and he said he likes the idea and will keep it in his mind next time

i called him to ask if he thinks he would be possible to do something to himself and he said no. i also wanted to know if his family is strong enough as a support system and if they check up enough of him and he told me they are daily checking in and if he is not answering the phone, they directly visit him. thank god. i also wanted to know if hes fine with me calling him to also check up and just know that hes not in danger and he is fine with it. and thanked me in the end. it breaks my heart. i hope he gets healthy one day.

second day I sleep worse and think about him offing himself. idk i hope this is just a phase because if that holds on. idk if I activated this feeling bc I am afraid what will Happen If I tell him I dont want contact anymore. Inmean I want contacz but still not sure if its good for his mental health.but he wrote me two days ago a lot. Maybe I have to give him time

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The Shawshank Redemption (1994)
The Godfather (1972)
The Godfather: Part II (1974)
The Dark Knight (2008)
12 Angry Men (1957)
Schindler's List (1993)
Pulp Fiction (1994)
The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King (2003)
The Good, the Bad and the Ugly (1966)
Fight Club (1999)
Forrest Gump (1994)
Inception (2010)
The Matrix (1999)
The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring (2001)
The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers (2002)
Star Wars: Episode V - The Empire Strikes Back (1980)
One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest (1975)
Seven Samurai (1954)
Goodfellas (1990)
Se7en (1995)
The Silence of the Lambs (1991)
City of God (2002)
Life Is Beautiful (1997)
It's a Wonderful Life (1946)
The Usual Suspects (1995)
Leon: The Professional (1994)
Saving Private Ryan (1998)
Spirited Away (2001)
Interstellar (2014)
The Pianist (2002)
American History X (1998)
Casablanca (1942)
Modern Times (1936)
The Green Mile (1999)
Psycho (1960)
The Departed (2006)
Gladiator (2000)
The Lion King (1994)
The Intouchables (2011)
Whiplash (2014)
Apocalypse Now (1979)
The Prestige (2006)
Terminator 2: Judgment Day (1991)
Cinema Paradiso (1988)
Back to the Future (1985)
Sunset Blvd. (1950)
Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb (1964)
The Great Dictator (1940)
The Lives of Others (2006)
Paths of Glory (1957)
Grave of the Fireflies (1988)
The Shining (1980)
Django Unchained (2012)
WALL·E (2008)
American Beauty (1999)
Oldboy (2003)
Princess Mononoke (1997)
Alien (1979)
Witness for the Prosecution (1957)
Once Upon a Time in the West (1968)
Das Boot (1981)
Reservoir Dogs (1992)
Your Name. (2016)
Star Wars: Episode IV - A New Hope (1977)
Amélie (2001)
The Dark Knight Rises (2012)
Braveheart (1995)
Toy Story (1995)
High and Low (1963)
Inglourious Basterds (2009)
M (1931)
Requiem for a Dream (2000)
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (2004)
2001: A Space Odyssey (1968)
Citizen Kane (1941)

of course he answered me again. and i kinda knew he was busy yesterday because of a family dinner party. and he always answers late because he cannot sleep at night so he sleeps in the day. i still have this aching feeling that he doesnt love me and doesnt want me. that im too much. and i am a lot, i know that. ugh.