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my bf doesn't believe monogamy
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Barbarella wrote:
Thats how I knew that even though we were "together" the relationship hardly existed anymore.
Then he told me he fucked his massage therapist so like, that's what did it.
But he did that because he wanted me to break up with him because he was too *** to do it.

And also buddy that is...that's bad lol
Like you literally saw a professional whose literal job is to know these things, and because they said something he didn't wanna hear he shut down.

I hate to be so pessimistic but that's not the behavior of someone committed to being better and fixing things.

Now while I absolutely do not agree with or condone his behavior, I can see why if you are the only person he's ever slept with, why he'd feel the need to explore other options.
But the grown up way to handle that is to put on his big boy pants and end the relationship like a grown up, not tear you down and insult you until you do it for him.
This^
Wafel wrote:
That's how you knew... that you had to break up?

About my edit... I believe you, but somehow he has to learn too. We went to a sexuologist. And I was told that my bodily reactions are normal. Yesterday he said he didn't like the appointment and the sexuologist... and that's when he said he wants to go to a prostitute. Thinking that's the solution...
what the hell... honestly, it sounds like he's trying to break your confidence so you'll think that you don't deserve better and won't leave him.. but you DO deserve better!!
Wafel wrote:
That's how you knew... that you had to break up?

About my edit... I believe you, but somehow he has to learn too. We went to a sexuologist. And I was told that my bodily reactions are normal. Yesterday he said he didn't like the appointment and the sexuologist... and that's when he said he wants to go to a prostitute. Thinking that's the solution...
Excuse me what? I am baffled? Sorry but no, he has to go
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your bf is smart i would date him
Ankh. wrote:
bro is literally openly doubting yalls relationship lmao... boy bye
weird thing to say smh
ellu wrote:
what the hell... honestly, it sounds like he's trying to break your confidence so you'll think that you don't deserve better and won't leave him.. but you DO deserve better!!
Nah I see it as the opposite.
I'd bet cash money that if the relationship lasts another few months he'll start saying things like
"I'm such shit you deserve better"

If he does that fucking believe him.
throw the whole man away
Barbarella wrote:
Nah I see it as the opposite.
I'd bet cash money that if the relationship lasts another few months he'll start saying things like
"I'm such shit you deserve better"

If he does that fucking believe him.
i don't doubt it, this man seems deeply insecure
it is factually correct tho
ellu wrote:
i don't doubt it, this man seems deeply insecure
Which like
That's fine, we all have insecurities we need to work through

But when you have a partner and your insecurities are *hurting them*
And the steps you think you need to take to work on them will *hurt them more*
Then clearly you're not compatible as partners anymore y'know?
Just totally different places in life.

Once again absolutely not condoning his behavior, but I think we've all hurt our fair share of people in the process of trying to grow up.
that's really weird
Barbarella wrote:
Here's the thing

He's not wrong
But we don't have to share all our thoughts
And most people don't when they know those thoughts are hurtful

The fact that he's saying something like that out loud to you, knowing it's hurtful, is probably intentional,
seems a lot like he's a little puss baby too afraid to break up with you so he wants to make your relationship seem short and unappealing enough you to break it off for him so he gets to stay the good guy.
Yeah he's not necessarily wrong but it's also a sign he's probably not in love with op, bc when you're in love you don't have those thoughts, you imagine a long future with your partner

I think so too, he def knows what he's doing
Faculae wrote:
There is a huuuugeee difference between saying sth like 'I love you now, that is all that matters. I hope it stays that way, but you never know." and "We are going to break up sometime probably lol"
Leopra wrote:
Yeah he's not necessarily wrong but it's also a sign he's probably not in love with op, bc when you're in love you don't have those thoughts, you imagine a long future with your partner

I think so too, he def knows what he's doing
Even if you do have those thoughts while in love, you work them out yourself or with a therapist
I mean obviously communicating them with your partner at some point is important, but not at a stage when you can't even articulate your feelings in a way that doesn't feel like an insult

Liken we do not have to tell our partners every single thought that comes into our minds
ESPECIALLY if it's hurtful

It sounds like he has some shit to work thru and he won't do it when you're together.

You can love someone and still recognize that the relationship is over.
Barbarella wrote:
Even if you do have those thoughts while in love, you work them out yourself or with a therapist
I mean obviously communicating them with your partner at some point is important, but not at a stage when you can't even articulate your feelings in a way that doesn't feel like an insult

Liken we do not have to tell our partners every single thought that comes into our minds
ESPECIALLY if it's hurtful

It sounds like he has some shit to work thru and he won't do it when you're together.

You can love someone and still recognize that the relationship is over.
Exactly, but I get a feeling that he's not in love bc like I said it's more common for ppl who are in love to be hopeful and think about their future together rather than their "inevitable" seperation, and also like you mentioned he wouldn't have said it out loud because even if that's how he felt it's insensitve and hurtful, which makes me believe your theory is correct tbh he's def playing an angle
Leopra wrote:
Exactly, but I get a feeling that he's not in love bc like I said it's more common for ppl who are in love to be hopeful and think about their future together rather than their "inevitable" seperation, and also like you mentioned he wouldn't have said it out loud because even if that's how he felt it's insensitve and hurtful, which makes me believe your theory is correct tbh he's def playing an angle
Right.

Most of what he said isn't like, factually incorrect or anything
Most relationships don't last forever
But we don't have to say it to our partner ...

It sounds like he's already ended it, mentally. And once they do that, "being dumped" is no longer a consequence to them, so they're less considerate of our feelings, and worse, less considerate of our sexual safety (example: cheating)
Because like, whatcha gonna do? Dump him? That's what he wants.
(-> Relationships and love)
lol thats a weird thing to say to your partner
idk maybe its because im single but it sounds just like idk not that bad? but idk bump?