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autism and misunderstandings
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i find it so weird how misunderstandings happen even when im v clear with things? and its like im trying all the time to be understood but i dont understand how i can be clear, like straight ass forward w shit, yet still be misunderstood???

like i dont know what im not reading correctly about people, what im missing. i feel like i can say something word straightforward, yet people bend backwards to find hidden meanings or hints and stick to them instead??

idk im just thoughtful and confused and wondered how other ppl handle that? if there is a way to speak clearly yet also add "undertones/hints" that hints to the exact thing im saying?? gah idk if im even making sense

*to clear up in case = im autistic*
I relate so muchhh ahhhh
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felt that lmfao like. i'm telling you x why are you making it xyz ???? and HOW ...
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i'm sorry LOL i don't understand if you yourself have autism and have problems being understood by neurtypicals or if you are neurotypical and autistic people don't understand

this is probably feeding right into your struggle right there haha but i really can't tell from your post
Destroya wrote:
felt that lmfao like. i'm telling you x why are you making it xyz ???? and HOW ...
!!!!

its like im being more and more clear for every misunderstanding yet nothing changes? it makes me wanna scream and cry like there are so very few people who havent jumped and its hard to feel safe w people when i have to follow and tippy toe to see all THEIR clues in case my words were twisted. ehhhgh

^oh thanks for asking im autistic! hehe
Lavvi wrote:
!!!!

its like im being more and more clear for every misunderstanding yet nothing changes? it makes me wanna scream and cry like there are so very few people who havent jumped and its hard to feel safe w people when i have to follow and tippy toe to see all THEIR clues in case my words were twisted. ehhhgh

^oh thanks for asking im autistic! hehe
i sometimes feel like im being so clearly, it becomes suspicious, so they start making shit up like no. it's exactly the way i said it
allistics seem to just always assume there's some deeper meaning between the lines
bro same
Teewie wrote:
allistics seem to just always assume there's some deeper meaning between the lines
well because there usually IS, that's how most people work i guess
Destroya wrote:
i sometimes feel like im being so clearly, it becomes suspicious, so they start making shit up like no. it's exactly the way i said it
ive started to add that its no hidden meanings and to please ask if theyre wondering yet still

also the overexplaining everything all the time then adding more to make them understand ur not being sus so ur just overexplaining that too which adds to even more
Youre making sense. Im neurotypical (at least i think so) and i tend to read into things. To me that just makes sense. Its not like i assume the person im talking to has intentionally added hidden meanings its just that i try to figure out what the people around me are feeling. Bc most ppl dont communicate their feelings yet still wanna feel understood. Escpecially if someone seem like they need help but dont ask bc they dont want to be a burden
Lavvi wrote:
ive started to add that its no hidden meanings and to please ask if theyre wondering yet still

also the overexplaining everything all the time then adding more to make them understand ur not being sus so ur just overexplaining that too which adds to even more
the constant people pleasing just cuz ur trying to make them understand and socialising is already fucking exhausting and this is just the cherry on TOPPPP i literally want to explode sometimes
Lexielove wrote:
Youre making sense. Im neurotypical (at least i think so) and i tend to read into things. To me that just makes sense. Its not like i assume the person im talking to has intentionally added hidden meanings its just that i try to figure out what the people around me are feeling. Bc most ppl dont communicate their feelings yet still wanna feel understood. Escpecially if someone seem like they need help but dont ask bc they dont want to be a burden
it seems so exhausting (and to me it is). do you do that too, or is it something you dont notice? do you expect people to do it to you? sorry for asking im just v curious how it works for you!
Lavvi wrote:
ive started to add that its no hidden meanings and to please ask if theyre wondering yet still

also the overexplaining everything all the time then adding more to make them understand ur not being sus so ur just overexplaining that too which adds to even more
could you give an example of what you are being misunderstood of?
i am neurotypical as far as i know and haven't had a lot of contact with autistic people yet. so i'd love to know what to look out for when communicating with someone on the spectrum :)
little_muffin wrote:
could you give an example of what you are being misunderstood of?
i am neurotypical as far as i know and haven't had a lot of contact with autistic people yet. so i'd love to know what to look out for when communicating with someone on the spectrum :)
well first of all, autistic people tend to be really honest (some even to the point it's rude, which I sadly linger on sometimes). so if someone is asking me something like.. if I wanna go out to dinner with them or something, and I tell them no because I'm tired, neurotypical people tend to go more like ''it has something to do with me'' or ''she doesn't like the restaurant I was talking about'' or whatever?? when, if it had something to do with THEM I would've said that and if it had something to do with the restaurant I would have said that cuz I'm brutally honest!! and the misunderstandings that come from this, because our answers are sometimes short but honest, is really exhausting
Lavvi wrote:
it seems so exhausting (and to me it is). do you do that too, or is it something you dont notice? do you expect people to do it to you? sorry for asking im just v curious how it works for you!
To me its automatic. Tho i do it more than the average neurotypical bc of mental health problems (people pleasing, rejection sensitivity, social anxiety). Even with it being automatic tho it can still be exhausting. I sometimes realise that im feeling bitter bc people dont bend over backwards to make me comfertable like i do for them, but then i have to remind myself that the degree i do it to isnt actually healthy and i cant expect it of ppl and i wouldnt actually want them to put that much effort into it

Edit: dont apologise:) i dont mind it
little_muffin wrote:
could you give an example of what you are being misunderstood of?
i am neurotypical as far as i know and haven't had a lot of contact with autistic people yet. so i'd love to know what to look out for when communicating with someone on the spectrum :)
hmm im bad at giving examples on the top of my head. im really trying the few times lately isnt something i feel like sharing
but i can put what i usually tell people when i get close to them, one of the main things is that i dont always understand the hidden meanings and to please say things straight out. then they have hidden meanings(maybe they dont even mean to) and dont let me know if i didnt follow and see it? then get upset because i didnt get it.

and me saying "hey i might come with own experiences when youre talking about something, its to let you know i understand you. if you dont like this please tell me so i can work around it when its about you/remember and do my best" and then they get upset about it, but hold it in until they get really mad about it? all the passive agressiveness is also a huge thing i HATE cause i dont understand why always, i just understand that its something there.
ofc that one ive chosen to close my eyes to, if ur upset about something use ur adult words.

but for what to look out for is honestly just the words. and please, if you think theres something behind something, or ur wondering if u understood correct, just ask!! i love when people doublecheck if they understood it makes me feel so heard? that might just be my experience tho.
Destroya wrote:
well first of all, autistic people tend to be really honest (some even to the point it's rude, which I sadly linger on sometimes). so if someone is asking me something like.. if I wanna go out to dinner with them or something, and I tell them no because I'm tired, neurotypical people tend to go more like ''it has something to do with me'' or ''she doesn't like the restaurant I was talking about'' or whatever?? when, if it had something to do with THEM I would've said that and if it had something to do with the restaurant I would have said that cuz I'm brutally honest!! and the misunderstandings that come from this, because our answers are sometimes short but honest, is really exhausting
i see, thanks!
well i would consider myself a very honest person, so i personally mostly tell the truth as it is as well. but i have definitely given answers like "i'm tired" or "i have other plans that night" because i didn't want to hurt the other person. if i just told them "i don't like you" or "you breath stinks and i don't want to sit close to you" i know that would be too rude lol